Hello! This week, there are a couple of things I’d like to share with you: the time lapse video I made of a recent painting, which I’m going to discuss more further on, and a quote from Oliver Sacks, which I reproduced below.
I do not (at least consciously)
have a steady sense of life's meaning. I keep
losing it, and having to re-achieve it, again and
again. I can only re-achieve (or "remember") it
when I am "inspired" by things or events or
people, when I get a sense of the immense
intricacy and mystery, but also the deep
ordering positivity, of Nature and History. ...I
do not believe in, never have believed in, any
"transcendental" spirit above Nature; but there
is a spirit in Nature, a cosmogenic spirit, which
commands my respect and love; and it is this,
perhaps most deeply, which serves to "explain"
life, give it "meaning.Oliver Sacks
The quote was shared on Facebook, and it stopped me in my tracks because it so closely resembles my own life experience. I’ve never seen it articulated so clearly in words before. It got me thinking that maybe meaning can be ephemeral and that’s OK.
I have often felt adrift in life, and had a deep yearning for something to help make sense of it all; perhaps some wise words to live by, or a set of rules or framework which would create stability or an overriding sense of purpose. As an adult, you’re supposed to have it figured out, but I have spent a lot of time simply confused or bemused by it all and I have never discovered that one special constant thing.
I don’t believe that the universal meaning of life is knowable - you can only know the meaning you find in your own life.
Over time becoming aware that I am part of, and enveloped by nature has been a comfort. There may be no single thing in my life which gives it meaning but my purpose is constructed like a patchwork of many pieces: all the connections with people (and creatures) I love, small daily accomplishments, making and viewing art, appreciating the skills and achievements of others, and making the effort to accept that just being alive and part of the universe (like the birds, and the leaves on the trees) is enough.
…and noticing and appreciating beautiful little moments helps too.
I keep losing it, and having to re-achieve it, again and again. (“Oliver Sacks on Despair and the Meaning of Life”)
This particularly rings true for me. Occasionally I’ll be struck by some fascinating insight in a book, or on a podcast, and think that everything finally makes sense - all I have to do is remember XYZ and my life will be sorted, but the memory soon fades and life goes on in much the same confusing way as it always has until I have the next short lived epiphany.
This extends not just to life in general but also my creative life. It’s all just one big experiment. Some days making art is so completely natural and dare I say, easy. The marks on the paper just flow out joyfully and with the greatest of ease - I find myself thinking I’ve finally got it nailed. Then the next painting session is an absolute disaster. I forget how it’s done. Maybe I’m thinking about it too hard, or not hard enough…who knows, but it feels like a catastrophe; all is lost, and I’ll never be able to paint again…but then somehow, I do.
Which leads me on to the time lapse painting video. (Email readers will need to click the watch now button at the top to view the whole video on Substack). I wanted to learn how to make one for my website, and am happy to have learnt some simple editing on Canva. It’s easy to post to YouTube and then to my website from there.
It’s quite exposing to share because although I had a basic idea and colour theme in mind, (pink sky and frosty moss) this painting is really an experiment, worked intuitively by letting the painting develop through a series of happy accidents.
You will see just how many changes it goes through, as I build up layers of paint, paper, and ink, and how often I lose it (and repeat the same mistakes…doh!) before finally achieving the combination of colours, textures, lines and shapes which tell me no more, stop now! It was a race to the finish as the light was fading fast so I’m really pleased that it got to a stage I liked in time and was happy to call it ‘finished’.
No title as yet but it’ll be part of my shop update on the 2nd December.
Thanks for reading and subscribing! I’d love to hear what adds meaning to your life if you have a moment leave me a comment.
Share this post